Pondering life, growing up, and of course GO DEMS!!!!!!!

About a week ago, I had another roller coaster experience. I realized that I have had a few of them since I have been in England, and I ponder life more than I have ever before.

One of the residents was arrested and I witnessed him being lead away in handcuffs. It sucked; I had this feeling of dread and helplessness. This is one of the residents that I have grown to know over the past few weeks, and he really is a great guy. As he was escorted out the staff and I just watched. It was surprising that no one accompanied him (I really felt that someone should go with him, support him, make him realize he wasn't alone in this), or act in a role of advocate. We know the police dont just come and take people away for no reason, they had to have cause. After all this is no land of coups, it is England. Neverteless I was relieved later when I saw him after he had been questioned and released. He was doing the tough nonchalant thing and was surprised that I cared enough to be worried as to what would happen now.

Of course in my head this brought up the numerous discussions I had received at induction in the States, London, and at West Brom about "boundaries". What my place was here, and what I could really do in these situations. After a conversation with my supervisor I realized its good that I felt something, becuase the reason I am here is to build relationships with the residents, its just a matter of not allowing those emotions to take over.

But lots of questions were still unanswered. Do we judge, do we forgive, do we truly practice "love thy neighbor"? Seems we have to be cautious. So how do we make change, yet maintain a balance, and practice social justice?

In the meantime, elections approached in the US consuming my thoughts. I just can't help myself I am a political geek. I have spent most of my life so far, working towards making a career for myself in politics. I had the opportunity to work on a grass roots campaign as a manager in DC for the DNC, going on to a Presidential Coordinated Campaign, and then to working for a U.S Senator. All of which left me feeling very unfulfilled at times. But also giving me great experiences, drive, focus, and the chance to work with and meet some of the most amazing people ever. But like I said it didn't feel right. So I accepted the call to do a year of service; to find myself, be on a journey within, to aid others, and take a step back.

When I arrived in England I wasn't quite sure why, I was here, and what I came to find, but slowly I have started to settle into my life, make headway with my work, and really get to know the residents, and feel like I can make a difference in this place. And I am beginning to love my work here, and the residents that I am working with. Everyday I see a bit more of those relationships building, and its wonderful! But for what purpose, I don't really know yet, but that doesn't always matter does it? If I am open in heart and mind the purpose will become evident.

All was beginning to look good in England, but on Monday I had this awful sinking feeling of homesickness, and sluggishness that I just couldn't shake. Maybe it was because I knew that at home most of the people I know and had worked with were gearing up for what would be one of the most important mid term elections in history. Their adrenaline would be flowing, I missed the scent of "battle"?

On Tuesday morning I woke up with a buzz, everyone at the YMCA was subjected to hearing me speak about the US elections and what could happen. How on earth was I going to manage to stay up to watch the numbers come in? I had sent emails to my friends on campaigns, and even a message to my former boss the Senator. I felt disconnected knowing that no matter how hard I tried, this year 2006, I would just be an observer from the sidelines.

Finally at about midnight the BBC news started to report, I watched as Ohio elected a new Democratic Senator and Pennsylvania elected another new Senator Bob Casey, and finally I saw that Delaware Senator Tom Carper would be keeping his seat for another six years. Hooray! By this time it was nearly 2:00 am, and I knew I needed to put myself to bed.

Wednesday morning arrived, and I had to struggle through working reception, not because I was sleepy, but because I couldn't stand not knowing what the results were. Finally it was time to break and I literally ran home, and was greeted by the news that Nancy Pelosi may become the first woman Speaker of the House and I knew we had done it, the Dem's finally took back the House. We had elected our first Muslim Congressman, our second black Governor (in Massachusetts) since Reconstruction, created a possible dynasty in Delaware with Beau Biden winning the position of Attorney General. Then I watched Senator Tom Carper give his victory speech with my former colleagues in the background. I felt such a sense of pride. America is taking steps forward, we are on the brink of huge changes, and we are setting the stage for the 2008 Presidential Election. As the week went on, the Dems took the Senate and Donald Rumsfeld stepped down, it was def turning into quite the eventful week.

No time for messing up. Now the soul searching. This is what I have been waiting for, and here I am in England, far away from the changes that have started to occur. Did I make the right choice? After all don't elected officials claim to serve constituents? Will my service at a global level count? Is it after all a calling for servant leadership? Will this path take me to beoming a better person? Time for me to ponder some more, like I am not doing enough of that already. Living each day is another learning..... :-)

GO DEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!